dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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