I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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