Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
