Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
