You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
