I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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