how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
