That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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