walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
