Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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