I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
