I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
