Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
