Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize