I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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