I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so much tequila, so little girl.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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