woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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