Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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