We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
