Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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