you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
