my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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