so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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