VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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