I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
