We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
