Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
