Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want to make out with him forever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry about my life...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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