I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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