So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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