I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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