my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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