I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I look better un-naked...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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