I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
