I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
