what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
