I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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