I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
