idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
