I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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