I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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