is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
