Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
