Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize