every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A bitchslap is in order.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
