I think i peed on brittanys purse
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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