You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
