And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize