I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize