So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
