I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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