Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
