If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
