Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Will you blow on my dice?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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