Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
