i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
