I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
