I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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