Yo dont text me then not text me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize