Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
