He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
