Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
