Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
even my farts smell like vagina
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This baby is an asshole
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
