You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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