At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
