Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
