Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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