I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
