I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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