literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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