Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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